Featured ENDOSister: Cassandra Bien - Aime
It all started with a lot of pain, that led to passion which then envisioned great purpose.
I can recall countless nights, of my own world of normalcy and a number of days throughout the week after volleyball practice and dance classes to the hospital as a teenager; wondering why or how my body could endure so much pain, but yet receive a concrete answer. There were moments where I grew frustrated and remained silent because the response or expression was taken ever so lightly to someone who didn’t hear the pain through my words or see the discomfort in my grimaces. “Take an Aleve or here’s a script for Ibuprofen, heating pad and go on your way” was how I received my dismissal.
It wasn’t until August 2014, I could not move, could not get up from my bed, barely had the strength to stand because I felt the pain down to my knees and the cramps were so sharp down my bottom that I refused to sit up! Fast forward… ENDO who? ENDO what? ENDO, oh I don’t even know how to pronounce you correctly because it was my first time hearing such a thing. I get it now!! ENDO…go in my stomach, ENDO...-immediate suggestion “hysterectomy”. Endo-me-triosis… birth control after birth control (having me overly emotional, closed in and refusing to talk to anyone), pain pills (temporarily numbing the pain), several nights of morphine to assist with calming both myself and blood pressure down due to the amount of pain I attempted to endure until I gave in. I grew silent even more. Let’s not forget, it’s sort of tabou and in my culture (you really don’t say much or speak on your personal business). But being of Haitian descent, when you’re ill or in any sort of pain, you learn of all the “fix me” remedies.I wasn’t really sure of how I should've felt to be honest, but I knew my intention had a purpose!
I decided to journal, rate my level of pain and document specific dates from my planner (at least four years of documenting) of how long my period lasts, my experiences from nightfall to sun up, my embarrassing moments at work as I got up from my seat, my forced exit from work after throwing up due to the pain medication eating away at my stomach; as I constantly attempted to push myself...
I started to slowly realize that I was doing myself a disservice by pushing when I should be resting or I could tondu (a term in ballet that means to point your toes) point us into a totally different way in educating ourselves and raising awareness. There were days, internally, I’d ask “WHY”? Reality hit and I embraced the challenge as a project and released, “WHY NOT ME?” I had to remember, I AM A WOMAN and our bodies, emotions and mental capacity are designed for strength, innovation & most certainly problem solving.
By Spring of 2015, Dance became my voice for awareness, breaking the silence within me as well as creating a safe zone for my fellow sisters in arms. Dancin’ off the Endo is my catalyst- educating through movement; but also uplifting, embracing, releasing and believing that our strength is beautiful. When we speak up, it saves and assists the sister next to us & most importantly, you aren’t overreacting. I decided to be a “no matter what person”. Les Brown stated “Life is a fight for territory and once you stop fighting for what you want, what you don’t want will automatically take over.”
Why Dance?
Because dance chose me! The way I see it, if dancing can pull women together, open up and take their health even more serious without feeling embarrassed - then that is the GOAL! Dance has been extremely therapeutic throughout my journey because when I am able to move, I create a space & energy like there's no tomorrow.
Why so much energy/positivity?
Transparency moment: no one enjoys pain. But when I look around me and see all the fighters around me, people battling other diseases and still try to push through; it gives me motivation to voice and break the silence my own way!
As you can see, I chose the arts to be my voice to twirl my life around. I chose to speak through movement because for me, it made more noise than my words; speaking through my passion to educate, advocate and target those who are silenced. I am here and you no longer have to suffer alone. My journey can inspire or maybe motivate, but our, our stories can create a path towards healing-not only physically but what’s imperative psychologically, emotionally to provide comfort when expressing that our periods aren’t normal.
My meaning for ENDO: is to EMPOWER, NOTICE, DANCE against DELAYS for a better OUTCOME. So let’s continue Dancin’ off the Endo as we two step to awareness.
Major thanks and gratitude to Endo Black for creating an amazing platform to express and shed light on the many voices and faces of Endometriosis.
